When you marry a girl, make her your wife, let her walk into the door of your heart, you welcome her promising her to give your everything to make her life beautiful. A new life that every girl dreams of, where she’ll be having a new house, family and a loving husband. So when this bride enters your house, she’s named as the goddess Saraswati; goddess of knowledge, music, arts, wisdom, and nature. But then just to gain power and for some reason, to control the relationship, you abuse, and you make her suffer Domestic Violence.
Abuse is a repetitive pattern of behavior, consisting of insulting, offensive, rude, and everything castigating. These behaviors can be physical, mental, sexual and emotional, with many of these forms overlapping at the same time. And she suffers and tolerates all this either for the sake of the family, or just because she loves her partner beyond limits. After all, it was her dream, but a heavenly dream turned out to be a hell. And sometimes she feels so helpless and hurt, that she accepts herself to be a slave than a goddess because you know what, it’s not the bruises on the body that hurt, but it is the wounds in her heart and scars in her mind that kills her emotionally and mentally.
Not even considering physically into this, because your misconception states that man can hit his women and that’s how you measure your ‘manliness’. I wonder how a man can complement himself after hitting a woman. Also, those who think that domestic violence is a personal matter of family, wait! The ‘domestic’ part doesn’t matter, Violence is Violence. And let me tell you. The place where you welcomed her is just a building because where one is unsafe, cannot be termed as home.
Okay first, you can’t clip her wings, keep her in a cage, and tell her she can’t fly. Her wings can grow and she’ll find the sky. Second, if she gives up, or die, she will fly to heaven, where there will be no pain. After creating this hell for her, how will you survive with such shame? Maybe you would!
So that’s all from my end considering all the general aspects. Let’s take a look at some of facts and figures, at the international level.
All Around the World – Domestic Violence
- In Europe, in an entire lifetime, 1 out of every 4 women has experienced domestic violence.
- In the United Kingdom, as per the National Study of Domestic Abuse 2005 report suggested that over 213,000 women reported being victims of domestic violence.
- In the United States, annually, approximately 1.3 million women report being physically assaulted by an intimate partner.
- Half of the Palestinian women have faced domestic violence.
- In Turkey, the rate of sexual and physical abuse for women over the age of 15 goes up to 42%.
- In a survey in rural Egypt, 80% of women accepted that in case they refused to have sex with their husbands, beatings were common, moreover, justified.
These data are scary data. Who is in power to stop this? Obviously, the Government! Why do we elect our government? To protect us and maintain law, order, and peace. But sometimes our government even don’t stand with us; even they refrain from considering as a crime. According to them, if a partner is not having wounds and bruises she’s not victimized. They mean mental torture is nothing; you need to get your scars and blood to get security and justice. You don’t agree? I do have facts of that too. Let me help you explore more about this.
- In Iraq, husbands can legally “punish” their wives.
If you’ve got a penis, you have the authority to punish your wife in Iraq. But then if this is how it is, then why are we even talking about equality when you have put someone in a position of authority
- In Jordan, part of Penal code article 340 states that – “he who discovers his wife or one of his female relatives committing adultery, and then wounds or even kills one of them, is exempted from any penalty.”
Wow! Exempted from any penalty! How lucky must be the men of Jordan? And I haven’t got any justified answer of this law. Still thinking, WHY? In fact, this inhuman law was challenged by the government but was retained by their Lower House of the Parliament. Still wondering, WHY?
- In Russia, domestic violence can only be charged under criminal code only when the incident leads to severe injuries or death.
You read? “Severe injuries or when the victim has died”. Social, economic, or mental forms are inconsiderable, so, basically, a woman has to get physically tortured to get justice against violence.
What’s the use of such law and governance? Wait, this is not the only thing which is disturbing. Let me now put light on reasons why domestic violence takes place.
Contributing Factors of Domestic Violence
- First, the most stupid and disgusting, Social view. So according to society, wives are not equal to husbands. They very poorly misunderstood the concept of marriage. According to them, wives are meant to serve husbands and obey them. And it’s okay to beat wife for her inappropriate behavior because it’s her fault to provoke her husband. If provocation is to blame, then all those men should get beaten up because their mentality provokes me.
- Second is religion. Although no religion sanctions violence it is evident that Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, all have been framed to traditionally empower male-dominant protocols. Some religious leaders influence and play with the mindset of people and guide them that women are inferior to men and they have complete control and power over their women
- Third on the list, the concept of family dishonor. If a girl is not a virgin before marriage if a girl cannot give sufficient dowry to his husband, if in a boy-desiring family a baby girl is born, then this brings dishonor to the family. Consequently, this gives them a license and permission to beat the girl for any of the aforementioned reasons. You know where it is directing to? That if girls are walking on the so-called tradition, custom and rules of a family, then only she is safe from domestic violence.
But Why Not Stand Up?
While going through all these facts and reading, I wondered why not the victim of domestic violence cut the relationship out. What I observed and understood at the end was – in case of domestic violence, people generally accuse the victim. Divorced women, who may have signed off from their marriage because of heinous crimes by their counterparts are often socially ostracized. To avoid this stigma, along with the society in general, many women prefer to hold on to their married life while just enduring the abuse. Nobody favours divorced women. Without even knowing the reasons, majority blame women behind the divorce.
But not every depressing story ends on a depressing note. Every struggle and difficulty leads to positive end if you fight against it. There are certain real-life heroes who overcame difficulties and outshined. Even the stars of Hollywood are not immune to abuse. Let me make you aware of some of the famous personalities in the world who have been a victim of domestic violence.
Raising Voice Against Domestic Violence…
- Madonna – Madonna was married to Sean Penn in the 80s. Her husband tied her up and beat her with a baseball bat but that didn’t stop Madonna. Referred to as the “Queen of Pop” since the 1980s, she is not only a singer, songwriter, and actor but also a successful businesswoman.
- Christina Aguilera – Christina and her mother were the victims of domestic violence. Her father used to abuse them. When Christina was four, her mother spoke about the instance when blood was dripping off of her face. Rising from such condition, Christina fought against all odds and changed her destiny.
- Rihanna – We all know the Barbadian best-selling musician of all time. She too has been a victim of a toxic relationship with her ex-boyfriend Chris Brown who used to assault her. This came in front of the public and became the most shocking news as a celebrity was the victim of domestic violence.
- Halle Berry – Being the first black academy award winning actress for her role in Monster’s Ball (2001), since childhood, Halle witnessed domestic violence at her home because of her father. This resulted in developing low self-esteem and her boyfriends also abused her further. But now Halle is a volunteer in a domestic violence intervention program – Jenesse Center – in Los Angeles.
There’s a hope that’s waiting for you in the dark. Don’t just accept your fate and sit. If you let them hit you, they’ll do it again. You need no one, you’re independent and you should fight for your self-respect. Not that all men are the same, but that doesn’t mean we should ignore the culprits. As we develop, we are moving towards a better world, a world where equality will be the norm. Till then, become a survivor, a winner, not a victim of Domestic Abuse!